little over 4 weeks till show time

I should be asleep. Going to sleeps means I don't have to think about food.

At this point I feel like I could eat and eat but I can't. I have little less than 4 weeks till it's "showtime". I can not wait to have pizza and beer.

Funny how we think we need and want so much. But when you can't eat what you want for such a long period of time, you realize how much you love the simple things like pizza. Not the big expensive steak dinner's just pizza.

Today my weight is 109 yesterday it was 108. Going back and forth with those 2 weights. I am told that I will probably be around 100lbs when I take the stage. I was kinda hoping that I wouldn't go that low, but we'll see

5 weeks away

With just a little over 5 weeks to go;

I'm doing this diet again, and wow it's much harder the 2nd time around verses the 1st time. The will power I need to walk past the cookie, or pass the pizza that everyone is eating, is deep. I've really had to remove myself because I am afraid that I will give in to temptation. Thank God this time around it's only a total of 12 weeks of strict eating. Last competition I started in May and dieted all the way till Oct 30th.

Training has been lots of fun. The gym I train in has a few other personnel trainers and each of them are also preparing for the same show. So the energy level is high and the support from each other is awesome. It's very exciting.

Leaning out has been fun too. I get to see all the muscles that I've worked hard to get. I notice a lot in my arms and the width of my back.

More than anything though is the support this time around I feel that I have from my husband. Although Donnie isn't happy that I am going to get skinny again he sure hasn't been giving me such a hard time. Well I haven't exactly told him that I am going to get thin. He has asked me twice now if I have lost weight. I just keep saying no. But I am pretty sure you can tell that I've gone from 117 to 109. Probably the last 2 or 3 weeks he will really be able to notice and not have to ask. We'll see.

Time to eat and I am starving!

Grandma

I found out just a few days ago that I was becoming a grandmother. I wasn't sure how this would make me feel when the day got here but I am here to say I am very excited.
My Kelsey is pregnant. She seems so happy and has a glow about her. Her fiance' is very excited too. He is older and seems to be doing well in life and promises to take good care of her and their baby.

Maybe it didn't all happen in the perfect order but I believe in God and believe God has his own plans.

I have said for a long while now that I believe a baby would be what would bring Kelsey to a sober state and bring her and her siblings closer together again. Not that I was wishing for this to happen nor that having a baby is the answer to life's issues.

For some reason I have felt that Kelsey has had an emptiness inside her and she drank and drugged to cover the hurt. She would probably disagree, but I have truly felt this for a long time. And now she will have such passion and love for this baby growing inside her and take on mommy role like it was second nature to her. This will be her passion. I have no doubts she will be a wonderful mommy.

Alexis, Hannah and Tyler are so excited for her as well. Her and Hannah haven't had any type of relationship or even spoke for that matter in a very long time. Pretty much the same with Alexis. In the last few days they have become sisters again. No questions asked. It'll be like old times again before we all know it. My heart is telling me so.

Life goes on....

trying to get back

This past Sunday had been 1 week since my car accident and I am still feeling like crap.
I want to get back to my normal life. I don't want to sleep till 9am. I don't want to be tired at 4:00 in the afternoon. How long does something like this hold you down. I mean I have no broken bones, no cuts or bruises.
I have all my pieces. So how is it that I still feel so wore out?
I shouldn't be such a big baby, I am ALIVE and all.
I want to have the energy to get my zumba class put together. I want to feel strong enough to get back in the gym to lift.
I wonder how people move forward after loosing an arm or leg or even worse paralyzed and have to live the rest of their lives in a wheelchair. Now that would be something to complain about.
I don't look at it like complaining. I am willing to deal with what I have been dealt. I am just ready to move on and put this past me.

car accident

It's been a while,
This past Sunday I was in a car accident.
Last weekend I went to Tuscaloosa AL to see my son and to get certified to become a Zumba instructor.
I arrived on Thursday afternoon, spent the day cleaning Ty's apartment. Which he said was already cleaned. Friday morning I went to my class at 8:00am and Tyler picked me up at 6:00pm. Long day. Saturday we just hung out. Sunday morning a friend of his picked me up to take me to Birmingham to catch my flight home. She was going to Birmingham to shop so it made since to catch a ride.
As we got off the exit to the airport we took a right instead of left to try and find a place to grab something to eat. We had about 45 minutes till I needed to check in. We were both looking for a sign or something to give us options on where to eat.
I said "we are going through a red light" I looked to my right and saw a car coming and before I could even say anything we got t-boned, on my side. We then spun around and hit a telephone poll head on, on my side.
I am alright. A little banged up but ALIVE. Lots of people have told me that I am really lucky and I think so too.
Life can change on a dime. People's life's change on a dime all the time. When something like this happens it really makes you think of the "what ifs"
If I were to have left this place on earth last Sunday would I have left my children with all that they would need to know about growing and become strong, healthy and happy adults? Do my parents know how much I appreciated the life the had provided for me? Do my friends know that they are my true friends and that I love and appreciate the time we spend together. Does my husband know that I am still after 16 years of being together still very much in-love with him? Do my sisters know how much they mean to me, even when maybe we aren't all getting along so perfectly?
How about you? Do the important people in your lives know really how you feel about them?

My baby Hannah

My baby...
I went to the doctors with my 3 babies and asked the dr to give me something to start my period. I was late and for heaven sake couldn't figure out why. "Nothing to worry about my doctor said, your not pregnant but before I give you this prescription we need to draw blood just to be sure."
The next morning my phone rang..."hello" "hi, Jody. First off let me start by telling you that the nurses and I drew straws for whom was going to make this call and well I lost. Your pregnant" I was a little taken back, cried for a little, took a nap with the other 3 babies then woke up and went on with life. I was 24 with 4 babies all under the age of 4.
Hannah was an awesome baby. Only cried when either Alexis tried to brush her hair (she had no hair) or Kelsey slapped her because she was in her cradle and when Tyler would snatch her pacifier and take off running.
She was so small. She only weighed 6 lbs. Such a difference between the other girls that were 7 and Tyler well we can't compare him because he weighed just about 10lbs.
Because of this separation that I asked for from her dad Hannah went to live with him at the age of 4. (again when i feel the time is right I will write about this time of my life, just not ready) She lived with her dad full time for 3 years without me. I visited as much as I could, mostly on the weekends our switch was tough when it was time for them to go back to there dads and never got easier.
When my King kids moved back to Loveland Hannah was entering into the 3rd grade.
Hannah took her time "reconnecting" with me. I wanted to be close and have a good relationship with Hannah but it wasn't easy. She took her time warming up to me and realizing that I was here in her life for good. I was patient with hopes it would work it self out.
I'm pretty sure it all worked out. I feel that Hannah and I are pretty close and really enjoy a mother daughter relationship. We did lots of cheerleading together, shopping, eating out and just hanging out at home. We shared a lot of gossip. She couldn't wait to share with me and I too liked to "adult" gossip with her.
We had lots of time together her senior year in high school. All the other kids were gone and Donnie was on the road a lot. We would work out together then rush home for either Monday night Bachelor or Tuesday night Biggest Loser. Wednesday night survivor. We were simple and I loved every minute of it. She did her own thing too. She didn't really have lots of rules and could pretty much come and go as she pleased.
Today Hannah is a freshmen in college. She is smart, loving, caring, and beautiful. She has one of the most caring hearts that I have ever known. I always said one day she will go and probably not come back. Not because she didn't love or want to me with me. Just that she knows there's a big world out there and she wants to check it out. Kinda like Jenny in Forest Gump.
I believe in my heart that Hannah and I have connected on a different level then probably most. It's hard to explain. When my hair is ugly she says I'm beautiful. When my outfit isn't quite right she says I look wonderful.
I always say "Hannah's in love me" and I believe this. I am in love with her too!
Is this the relationship that the baby has with her mom? Do we share such a special bond because she's my baby?

We Mothers are learning to mark our
Mothering success by our daughters
lengthening flight
~Letty Cottin Pogrebin~

Weight

I wake up every morning and get on the scale. I know it needs to read 120. But what I know and how I feel are two different things.
It's a mind game and I play it well. Here is a sample of what it's like inside of my head.
The scale needs to say 120lbs. My nutritionist and my trainer both say 120lbs would be great. My husband says this would be good. My family says I would look good. But I like when it reads 115lbs. I step off the scale with a smile and a feel good feeling, I still weight 115lbs But I know that this isn't enough. I like it though. I know I need to get my weight up to lift more weight. I want to lift more weight. But I need to weigh more to lift more. I know, sounds crazy. Am I crazy?
The extra food I am eating must be working. This week so far I have lifted more weight than ever. I feel stronger and lots more energy. .
Wednesday I went out to dinner to have what I call a "cheat" meal. This is a meal that is not on my meal plan. But for the most part still pretty healthy. It was awesome.
This morning I weighed 117lbs. I am just going with it. Lets just hope that by Monday I'm not getting on the scale weighing in at 125. That would really mess with my head!