little over 4 weeks till show time

I should be asleep. Going to sleeps means I don't have to think about food.

At this point I feel like I could eat and eat but I can't. I have little less than 4 weeks till it's "showtime". I can not wait to have pizza and beer.

Funny how we think we need and want so much. But when you can't eat what you want for such a long period of time, you realize how much you love the simple things like pizza. Not the big expensive steak dinner's just pizza.

Today my weight is 109 yesterday it was 108. Going back and forth with those 2 weights. I am told that I will probably be around 100lbs when I take the stage. I was kinda hoping that I wouldn't go that low, but we'll see

5 weeks away

With just a little over 5 weeks to go;

I'm doing this diet again, and wow it's much harder the 2nd time around verses the 1st time. The will power I need to walk past the cookie, or pass the pizza that everyone is eating, is deep. I've really had to remove myself because I am afraid that I will give in to temptation. Thank God this time around it's only a total of 12 weeks of strict eating. Last competition I started in May and dieted all the way till Oct 30th.

Training has been lots of fun. The gym I train in has a few other personnel trainers and each of them are also preparing for the same show. So the energy level is high and the support from each other is awesome. It's very exciting.

Leaning out has been fun too. I get to see all the muscles that I've worked hard to get. I notice a lot in my arms and the width of my back.

More than anything though is the support this time around I feel that I have from my husband. Although Donnie isn't happy that I am going to get skinny again he sure hasn't been giving me such a hard time. Well I haven't exactly told him that I am going to get thin. He has asked me twice now if I have lost weight. I just keep saying no. But I am pretty sure you can tell that I've gone from 117 to 109. Probably the last 2 or 3 weeks he will really be able to notice and not have to ask. We'll see.

Time to eat and I am starving!

Grandma

I found out just a few days ago that I was becoming a grandmother. I wasn't sure how this would make me feel when the day got here but I am here to say I am very excited.
My Kelsey is pregnant. She seems so happy and has a glow about her. Her fiance' is very excited too. He is older and seems to be doing well in life and promises to take good care of her and their baby.

Maybe it didn't all happen in the perfect order but I believe in God and believe God has his own plans.

I have said for a long while now that I believe a baby would be what would bring Kelsey to a sober state and bring her and her siblings closer together again. Not that I was wishing for this to happen nor that having a baby is the answer to life's issues.

For some reason I have felt that Kelsey has had an emptiness inside her and she drank and drugged to cover the hurt. She would probably disagree, but I have truly felt this for a long time. And now she will have such passion and love for this baby growing inside her and take on mommy role like it was second nature to her. This will be her passion. I have no doubts she will be a wonderful mommy.

Alexis, Hannah and Tyler are so excited for her as well. Her and Hannah haven't had any type of relationship or even spoke for that matter in a very long time. Pretty much the same with Alexis. In the last few days they have become sisters again. No questions asked. It'll be like old times again before we all know it. My heart is telling me so.

Life goes on....