little over 4 weeks till show time

I should be asleep. Going to sleeps means I don't have to think about food.

At this point I feel like I could eat and eat but I can't. I have little less than 4 weeks till it's "showtime". I can not wait to have pizza and beer.

Funny how we think we need and want so much. But when you can't eat what you want for such a long period of time, you realize how much you love the simple things like pizza. Not the big expensive steak dinner's just pizza.

Today my weight is 109 yesterday it was 108. Going back and forth with those 2 weights. I am told that I will probably be around 100lbs when I take the stage. I was kinda hoping that I wouldn't go that low, but we'll see

5 weeks away

With just a little over 5 weeks to go;

I'm doing this diet again, and wow it's much harder the 2nd time around verses the 1st time. The will power I need to walk past the cookie, or pass the pizza that everyone is eating, is deep. I've really had to remove myself because I am afraid that I will give in to temptation. Thank God this time around it's only a total of 12 weeks of strict eating. Last competition I started in May and dieted all the way till Oct 30th.

Training has been lots of fun. The gym I train in has a few other personnel trainers and each of them are also preparing for the same show. So the energy level is high and the support from each other is awesome. It's very exciting.

Leaning out has been fun too. I get to see all the muscles that I've worked hard to get. I notice a lot in my arms and the width of my back.

More than anything though is the support this time around I feel that I have from my husband. Although Donnie isn't happy that I am going to get skinny again he sure hasn't been giving me such a hard time. Well I haven't exactly told him that I am going to get thin. He has asked me twice now if I have lost weight. I just keep saying no. But I am pretty sure you can tell that I've gone from 117 to 109. Probably the last 2 or 3 weeks he will really be able to notice and not have to ask. We'll see.

Time to eat and I am starving!

Grandma

I found out just a few days ago that I was becoming a grandmother. I wasn't sure how this would make me feel when the day got here but I am here to say I am very excited.
My Kelsey is pregnant. She seems so happy and has a glow about her. Her fiance' is very excited too. He is older and seems to be doing well in life and promises to take good care of her and their baby.

Maybe it didn't all happen in the perfect order but I believe in God and believe God has his own plans.

I have said for a long while now that I believe a baby would be what would bring Kelsey to a sober state and bring her and her siblings closer together again. Not that I was wishing for this to happen nor that having a baby is the answer to life's issues.

For some reason I have felt that Kelsey has had an emptiness inside her and she drank and drugged to cover the hurt. She would probably disagree, but I have truly felt this for a long time. And now she will have such passion and love for this baby growing inside her and take on mommy role like it was second nature to her. This will be her passion. I have no doubts she will be a wonderful mommy.

Alexis, Hannah and Tyler are so excited for her as well. Her and Hannah haven't had any type of relationship or even spoke for that matter in a very long time. Pretty much the same with Alexis. In the last few days they have become sisters again. No questions asked. It'll be like old times again before we all know it. My heart is telling me so.

Life goes on....

trying to get back

This past Sunday had been 1 week since my car accident and I am still feeling like crap.
I want to get back to my normal life. I don't want to sleep till 9am. I don't want to be tired at 4:00 in the afternoon. How long does something like this hold you down. I mean I have no broken bones, no cuts or bruises.
I have all my pieces. So how is it that I still feel so wore out?
I shouldn't be such a big baby, I am ALIVE and all.
I want to have the energy to get my zumba class put together. I want to feel strong enough to get back in the gym to lift.
I wonder how people move forward after loosing an arm or leg or even worse paralyzed and have to live the rest of their lives in a wheelchair. Now that would be something to complain about.
I don't look at it like complaining. I am willing to deal with what I have been dealt. I am just ready to move on and put this past me.

car accident

It's been a while,
This past Sunday I was in a car accident.
Last weekend I went to Tuscaloosa AL to see my son and to get certified to become a Zumba instructor.
I arrived on Thursday afternoon, spent the day cleaning Ty's apartment. Which he said was already cleaned. Friday morning I went to my class at 8:00am and Tyler picked me up at 6:00pm. Long day. Saturday we just hung out. Sunday morning a friend of his picked me up to take me to Birmingham to catch my flight home. She was going to Birmingham to shop so it made since to catch a ride.
As we got off the exit to the airport we took a right instead of left to try and find a place to grab something to eat. We had about 45 minutes till I needed to check in. We were both looking for a sign or something to give us options on where to eat.
I said "we are going through a red light" I looked to my right and saw a car coming and before I could even say anything we got t-boned, on my side. We then spun around and hit a telephone poll head on, on my side.
I am alright. A little banged up but ALIVE. Lots of people have told me that I am really lucky and I think so too.
Life can change on a dime. People's life's change on a dime all the time. When something like this happens it really makes you think of the "what ifs"
If I were to have left this place on earth last Sunday would I have left my children with all that they would need to know about growing and become strong, healthy and happy adults? Do my parents know how much I appreciated the life the had provided for me? Do my friends know that they are my true friends and that I love and appreciate the time we spend together. Does my husband know that I am still after 16 years of being together still very much in-love with him? Do my sisters know how much they mean to me, even when maybe we aren't all getting along so perfectly?
How about you? Do the important people in your lives know really how you feel about them?

My baby Hannah

My baby...
I went to the doctors with my 3 babies and asked the dr to give me something to start my period. I was late and for heaven sake couldn't figure out why. "Nothing to worry about my doctor said, your not pregnant but before I give you this prescription we need to draw blood just to be sure."
The next morning my phone rang..."hello" "hi, Jody. First off let me start by telling you that the nurses and I drew straws for whom was going to make this call and well I lost. Your pregnant" I was a little taken back, cried for a little, took a nap with the other 3 babies then woke up and went on with life. I was 24 with 4 babies all under the age of 4.
Hannah was an awesome baby. Only cried when either Alexis tried to brush her hair (she had no hair) or Kelsey slapped her because she was in her cradle and when Tyler would snatch her pacifier and take off running.
She was so small. She only weighed 6 lbs. Such a difference between the other girls that were 7 and Tyler well we can't compare him because he weighed just about 10lbs.
Because of this separation that I asked for from her dad Hannah went to live with him at the age of 4. (again when i feel the time is right I will write about this time of my life, just not ready) She lived with her dad full time for 3 years without me. I visited as much as I could, mostly on the weekends our switch was tough when it was time for them to go back to there dads and never got easier.
When my King kids moved back to Loveland Hannah was entering into the 3rd grade.
Hannah took her time "reconnecting" with me. I wanted to be close and have a good relationship with Hannah but it wasn't easy. She took her time warming up to me and realizing that I was here in her life for good. I was patient with hopes it would work it self out.
I'm pretty sure it all worked out. I feel that Hannah and I are pretty close and really enjoy a mother daughter relationship. We did lots of cheerleading together, shopping, eating out and just hanging out at home. We shared a lot of gossip. She couldn't wait to share with me and I too liked to "adult" gossip with her.
We had lots of time together her senior year in high school. All the other kids were gone and Donnie was on the road a lot. We would work out together then rush home for either Monday night Bachelor or Tuesday night Biggest Loser. Wednesday night survivor. We were simple and I loved every minute of it. She did her own thing too. She didn't really have lots of rules and could pretty much come and go as she pleased.
Today Hannah is a freshmen in college. She is smart, loving, caring, and beautiful. She has one of the most caring hearts that I have ever known. I always said one day she will go and probably not come back. Not because she didn't love or want to me with me. Just that she knows there's a big world out there and she wants to check it out. Kinda like Jenny in Forest Gump.
I believe in my heart that Hannah and I have connected on a different level then probably most. It's hard to explain. When my hair is ugly she says I'm beautiful. When my outfit isn't quite right she says I look wonderful.
I always say "Hannah's in love me" and I believe this. I am in love with her too!
Is this the relationship that the baby has with her mom? Do we share such a special bond because she's my baby?

We Mothers are learning to mark our
Mothering success by our daughters
lengthening flight
~Letty Cottin Pogrebin~

Weight

I wake up every morning and get on the scale. I know it needs to read 120. But what I know and how I feel are two different things.
It's a mind game and I play it well. Here is a sample of what it's like inside of my head.
The scale needs to say 120lbs. My nutritionist and my trainer both say 120lbs would be great. My husband says this would be good. My family says I would look good. But I like when it reads 115lbs. I step off the scale with a smile and a feel good feeling, I still weight 115lbs But I know that this isn't enough. I like it though. I know I need to get my weight up to lift more weight. I want to lift more weight. But I need to weigh more to lift more. I know, sounds crazy. Am I crazy?
The extra food I am eating must be working. This week so far I have lifted more weight than ever. I feel stronger and lots more energy. .
Wednesday I went out to dinner to have what I call a "cheat" meal. This is a meal that is not on my meal plan. But for the most part still pretty healthy. It was awesome.
This morning I weighed 117lbs. I am just going with it. Lets just hope that by Monday I'm not getting on the scale weighing in at 125. That would really mess with my head!

Alexis

My very first baby. After about 3 weeks of delivering her I wanted her to be put back.
Couldn't wait to meet my first daughter, I had all the new little outfits, all the bathing things, bottles, pacifiers, bedding. I was ready.
The first night that we brought her home I climbed into bed and was going to sleep. Her father also turned the lights out and was climbing into bed. I jumped up, turned the lights and and said "what are you doing?" "going to bed" "no you can't I am, someone has to stay up all night and watch her sleep". I mean that's what they did at the hospital. I laugh now about it, but then I was serious.
Alexis didn't sleep much her first month home, she cried a lot, the more she cried the more I cried, the only thing I knew to do was to feed her more. I was only 20 years old.
I took her to her first months check up and the nurse asked me "how is everything" I broke down and cried. She took Alexis from my arms and said "it's ok, we'll figure this out"
I was breast feeding her. After that dr. appointment I gave her her very first bottle of a special formula. She puked the whole bottle up so I made another and gave it to her. She sleep for the first time over an hour. I almost woke her up to make sure she was alive. From there on out Alexis was the best thing that ever happen to me. I was totally in love.
She was walking a little over 9 months and never stopped.
She has always been a go getter. Nothing has ever stopped her of getting what she wants.
She has such passion. Sometimes her beliefs, I didn't always agree with but was happy that she, indeed... had "passion".
She has such an old soul. I guess is what you would call it. I think she's always been a little older than her time. It suites her well. And I couldn't be more proud of her.
We have such a great relationship. We can bitch at each other one minute and be back in love the next.
I feel lucky, I guess. Everyone tells me I should. But to me it's normal and don't know any different. I have herd stories of mother's and daughters. But not mine and Alexis. I enjoy her and glad we are friends.
There came a time that I no longer had to parent her and became more of a mentor and friend to her. I love it. I feel this is the way it's suppose to be.
The time is getting closer that she will be married and not to far off from having a baby. I know this because Alexis has planned her life to a tee up till this point. I believe her plan is to have a baby in her 20's. I will be so honored to be the grandma of her babies. For the record her babies are going to call me mama not nana or grandma. haha
I don't think any little girl can grown to be the women she needs to be without the love of a mother. I feel like the daughters that fight and hate there mom's are the daughters struggling in life. Maybe not all cases but I would bet most.

Tattoo

I had this picture printed and sitting on my desk for almost 3 years before I finally did it. This is a Celtic knot that stands for the three steps in a women's life "maiden, mother and crone"

On my 43rd birthday all three of my sisters and I went to the tattoo parlor and got the same tattoo. Yes same tattoo in the same place.

After I did it I thought to myself, o my goodness what did I just do. I didn't tell my husband. Well that is not totally true. I had been telling him for years that when I turned 40 I was going to get a tattoo. He kept saying wait and we'll do it together. That just wasn't happening so I went on my own and did it. Does that count as telling him?

I did check with all 4 of my teenagers to make sure it was cool with them. I would hate to live with the thought that my kids were disappointed in me or thought it was stupid. I guess that shouldn't of mattered but it did matter to me.

That was a Wednesday night and I was leaving for Nashville the next day. I was heading south to watch Alexis run in a cross country meet (she ran for college) then onto visit Tyler in Alabama (he was a freshmen).

I was kinda freaking out the whole drive. Every time the phone rang my heart pumped a thousand times a minute. I just knew it would be my husband calling me because he herd I got a tattoo. O God what have I done???

About 3 hours out from Alabama I finally answered the phone. It was my husband "you have something to tell me?" No no nothing, why do you ask? Needless to say we didn't speak till I got home that following Monday. By this time my new tattoo was all scabbed. We didn't talk for about 2 weeks. But it passed.

Took me a little while for it to sink in, that this was a permanent mark on my body. Every once in a while I would think oops. But I like what it means and I like where it is. I even think my husband likes it he just would never say so. Typical male.

I just knew that this was something I wanted to do and I didn't want anyone to step in my way. If it was the little bit of rebel in me, then so be it. I am glad I did it.

I see lots of people with tattoo's all over there body. I wonder if they were honest with themselves do they wish they didn't have so many? I mean do they do it for the attention? Because the attention is short lived and is that why they would chose to get another and then another??? Do people get tattoo's as memory type thing? you know like when someone dies. I see lots of people with bible scriptures, I think that's pretty cool.

I am asking my husband to go with me this Valentines day to get a tattoo of some sort of wedding band around our wedding fingers. He hasn't said yes or no. I think it would be pretty cool. But we'll see.

Don't compromise yourself,

you are all you've got

~Janis Joplin~

My body hurts

My body hurts today, when I am this sore I can't help but ask myself "what the heck am I doing?"
Not sure, is my answer.
I know that I want to compete again in June of 2012. I know that I like the way my back and arms look. I secretly like when my husband calls me "bruce"(because I know he is noticing the change and I am looking stronger. This is he way of saying so). I would be lying if I said I didn't like the attention I get (so many women my age want to know what am I doing, how can I look like that, what should I eat, ect...yeah I like it who wouldn't?)
But I am 44 years old and how much is too much? Am I trying to hard to get something that I will never have? Wouldn't I and shouldn't I just be happy with the way my body is ageing naturally? Isn't a nice walk in the evenings sufficient? I don't know...
What I do know is that I am very competitive. Competitive in all aspects of my life. Always have been. That's why I've never played volleyball, golf or tennis because if I couldn't be the best then I wasn't going to do it. Even when I finally tried kickboxing. I stood at the door and watched for at least 3 weeks. I wasn't about to walk into that class and look like a fool. I started in the back and in a few months I was there early enough to get a front row spot.
I remember when I was a sophomore in high school and played softball (not for the school team, of course because I wasn't that good)a friend's mom of mine was the coach and I would tell her "tell your mom she better start me and make me 4th batter or I quit" I chuckle thinking of it. And yes of course I started and batted 4th lol.
It wasn't just sports it was the way I looked. I always and still always wanted and want to look good. I have gotten lots better with age but not healed. Looking good just doesn't mean being in shape either, I know this. I see lots of women that might be "over weight" but in my eyes they look good and happy. But are they happy? Do they just say they are happy with themselves so that they don't have to put down the wine glass, or so that they don't have to put the time in at the gym or the bike trail? If so how can I get myself to feel this way about my own body? Maybe I can't and never will. Again, I don't know and don't have the answers.
So for now I will still go to the gym to train hard with weights 5 days a week. And I will still go and enjoy zumba 2 days a week. Heck I've even set myself up to start teaching 2 days a week.

Just don't give up trying to do what you really want to do
Where there is Love & Inspiration, I don't think you can go wrong
~Ella Fitzgerald~

Broken Hearted

When I started to blog a few weeks back I said to myself that I would not blog about my daughter and her challenges in life.

Today my blog, hopefully will be more of what I've been through and how it has effected me.

I think it's only fair to whom reads this that I am honest and able to describe what a mother goes through when she has a alcoholic and drug addicted daughter.

I was young when I married and had 4 kids 4 and under at the age of 24.

I always had a very close relationship with all of my children. Even though we went threw a period of separation we were able to adapt and over come. Wasn't always easy but it was what it was.

When the kids started into high school I started to let go a little and let them start to make some of their own decisions and choices. I felt it was best for them to learn that to make choices there are always consequences. They were teenagers so I knew there would be mistakes and bad choices made. But I wanted them to mess up while living at home so that I was there to help clean it up. Right? I didn't want them to try and figure this all out while away at college where they were totally alone and on there own. With the hopes that they would learn from there mistakes and go forward with life.

This seem to be true all except for my daughter Kelsey.

This girl of mine was the world to me. She was the soccer star, she was a walking beauty, she was so loving, seemed she had everything in life that a young women could want.

I spent a lot of time with her. From her freshmen year till the summer before her senior year I thought all was great. We spent many of hours on the road traveling to soccer tournaments and camps. Spent ton's of money on cleats, shin guards, shorts, socks, tape, ect...soccer seem to be what made her happy and that made me happy. I felt we were close and really had a good relationship. We would go together with other girls to dinner's, dances, shopping. We would share her heart break over boys and help her through girly stuff when it came to girls...We would take a short nap together almost everyday after school in my room in my bed. It was always really warm in my room because of the sun beaming through my window. Sometimes our naps were short due to either soccer practice or soccer games. Sometimes longer because she was just wore out.

The summer before her senior year I had a feeling something was changing in her but just wasn't sure. Something in me was changing too.

It wasn't a good change, I didn't like who I was becoming nor how I was feeling. Something was wrong with my baby and I could not put my finger on it.

I started searching, digging, snooping, lying, tricking, deceiving...I had to figure out what was wrong at all cost. Nothing could of stopped me.

I found a letter, it was hard to read, the hand writing was rough but when I took it to my girlfriend to read, and she was able to make out a few words I knew I was trouble. I discovered that my daughter was taking pills. This on top of drinking and blacking out.

I tried to put it off and talk myself into thinking it was just normal teenage stuff. But when it started slapping me in the face I had no choice but to do something about it.

In November of 2006 her father and I decided to send her to rehab. Not to take anything from anyone who has ever truly lost a child but I felt that a part of me died and the daughter that I thought I had, I had no more.

The first 30 days she was gone I was suppose to rejuvenate, I was suppose to catch up on lost sleep, I was suppose to enjoy my other children whom probably thought I had forgotten about them. What I was suppose to do and what I did were two different things. I think I put on a good front for the rest of my family. But deep down inside of me I was a mess. I couldn't think straight, I couldn't sleep, I let me physical and emotional being fall apart. My soul was lost.

Funny that she would think I enjoyed sending her away, or that I enjoyed seeing her miserable. Funny that she would think i went on with my life and blocked her out.

After 4 years her life still seems to be the same but mine is not.

I started out going to Alanon meetings. But that didn't work for me. Women in there bitching about their husbands, men complaing about their wife's or their parents. When it was my turn to talk boy did I talk. "I don't care about your husband, tell him to get the fuck out, I don't care that your grown mother is an Alcoholic, dis own her. But you all want me to "tough love" my daughter. She is my responsibility. You all don't understand, this is my daughter I can't put her out." needless to say I never went back.

Going to church really helped me to "let it go" helped me to believe that her choices were not my fault. Also helped me to realize that no matter what I did or didn't do, it wasn't going to change. This was a big step for me. But it sure has made my life better.

I also started pouring myself into working out. I remember my first kickboxing class. When I stopped crying, kicking, punching and looked around and everyone else in class had moved on to something else. I realized it was a huge break through for me and it was time to move on. Yes it is kinda funny when I think back when that happened.

Today I have a great relationship with my other kids and I believe they have forgiven me for that short period where I was lost.

For Kelsey, she still going down the same path but I have excepted her for who she is. I love her and will always love her and glad that at least I do still get the chance to tell her I love her. I know in my heart that the day she has her first baby she will know and understand my love. I will wait for as long as it takes. She will always be my baby girl.

Thanks to my sister Cassie, my husband Donnie and my close friend's Jeanineand Kim and my family. With out their love and support and listening to my shit everyday, letting me cry, and just being there for me I wouldn't of been able to make it.

Date change

In my blog last night I stated that my son was born in June 1991 that would be my baby Hannah's year. Tyler was born on June 14, 1990

Mom and Son realtionship

In March of 1990 I was told that I was going to have a baby boy. I already had 2 little girls. My thoughts "what will I do with a boy? what will I be able to teach a boy? I don't have any boy clothes and all the toys we had were barbies and not going to lie I loved playing barbies".
I was raised with 3 sisters. Feeling most of my growing up days that I was a "tom boy". Playing sports, running the neighborhood, getting into fights, wearing nothing but jeans, t-shirts and converse gym shoes.
June 14, 1991 was here and my baby boy was born. Tyler Andrew King. He was fat. Now I knew that girls and boys were different but my god not almost 3lbs different, but o'well he was cute.
I wasn't sure how things were going to work out as we took him home to live basically in a female house hold except for his dad of course.
There were times when you'd catch Ty-Man (as the girls quickly named him) in pink pj's and maybe a pink pacifier. But wasn't long before the girls were upset because there barbies had no heads, because the toilet seat was up, and when the girls had there hair all pretty he would run his hands through it and then run to hide.
Tyler was never hard to find all you had to do was look at my feet. Tyler stayed around my ankles from morning till night. He loved for me to hold him or sit on the couch with him to watch the Power Rangers.
He quickly grow up when his father and I separated and they, without me moved to Batesville IN. He was the man in charge while dad had to go to work everyday. (I wasn't around and someday when I feel the time is right I will go into detail, still hard after all this time...tearing up thinking about it)
Any how my son and I did our best to remain close.
Tyler and his sisters moved back to Loveland to share a life with me. He was going into the 4th grade.
So life goes on. Tyler was always happy and a go lucky kinda kid.
His sophomore year in high school i noticed big changes. His sister was making some bad choices, his first heart break, and struggling in school. It wasn't easy but he pulled through. I felt lucky enough to be there with him through it.
I couldn't love him or feel any closer to anyone else in the world. I am super proud of him and love our relationship. I mean how many mom's can say that there son tells them they love them daily? He has such a special place in my heart.
If you don't share such a special bond with the son in your life you are missing out. Do what you can to change that because it is one of the best feelings in the whole world. I promise you that.

Meal Plan

Getting back on a "Meal Plan". Those words scare me. I was on a "Meal Plan" from June '10 till Oct 30th '10. Went from 118lbs w/23% body fat to 98lbs w/8%. Not sure how I did it but I did. Yeah I do know, 98lbs is defiantly not healthy. It was just what had to happen to compete.
But now that I want to gain muscle and to gain muscle I need to eat more than I am on a daily basis. I probably eat about 1700-2000 calories a day but now I will be trying to eat around 2800-3000. Am I scared? Yes. One of my biggest fear's is that I'll get fat. That's always been my fear. But I'm going to follow what I'm told and just see what happens. Sometimes we have to let go and let someone else lead.
When your a control freak and think you have it all going the way you want, it is really hard to let go and let someone else lead. I thought by only eating a few times a day and doing crazy cardio every night I would maintain what I had. Gosh what I've learned by letting go was awesome. The more you eat the more weight you can lose. You believe that? Neither did I, but it's true. And all that cardio, ha I wasn't getting anywhere but burring the muscle that I wanted to gain.
By letting go and giving up the lead has been a great lesson in lots of aspects of my life.
As a mother I thought that I was in control of everything and I did my damnedest to prove it. But about 5 years ago someone told me that I was not God and really I had no control except for my own actions. The was the best thing anyone has ever told me. When I realized, wow that's true, what a burden was lifted on my shoulders. I even felt lighter.
No matter how bad I wanted to change a situation, it wasn't going to change just because I said so.
So "let it go" is my new motto, lol

chocolate

How can it be that almost every minute of the day CHOCOLATE is on my mind.
I could eat chocolate for breakfast, I mean I did eat chocolate for breakfast. What kind of meal plan has you eat chocolate for bf? None hahaha
Today I should of worked out but chose not to. I feel so tired today. Maybe from working hard all week or maybe because I had 3 beers last night and 2 mixed drinks.
Alcohol I am thinking is such a waste to put in my body. I really don't get anything out of it and it just makes me tired. And not to mention the extra pounds that I don't want on my body. I just was told that alcohol stops the natural fat burning process of your body.
Lots of women tell me that they would like to get rid of there "middle" but don't want to give up their wine. Don't think that's going to happen. Giving up the wine part. O'well guess it's all up to what it is really want in life. I wish sometimes that tiring to stay in shape and working so hard on the body was not so important to me and just live life enjoying the dinner and wine in the evening. But I can't seem to get there.
Some women tell me that they are working out for the health part of it. Come on I really don't believe it. If we were all honest we would state that we have to work out and put good stuff in our bodies so that we don't look old, so that we can compete with the 30 year old. So that we don't feel at 40+ that we've given up on "looking good" or so we can still wear a bekini. Ok well being healthy is part of it but not all of it.
Jack (my puppy)and I are going to take a nap. I will be back at the gym tomorrow striving for that "healthy" body? na more like "hot" body!! (hot as it can be for a 43 year old lady anyway)

Zumbaaaaaa

After I was done with my show in Oct I was feeling a lot of anxiety about what was next. I had giving up all my cardio classes for lifting. So wasn't sure if that is what I wanted to go back to or not. I liked the muscles I was gaining and knew that I couldn't keep that if I went back to 100%cardio. Did I still want to lift 4 days a week? What were my goals going to be?
Well needless to say I am now lifting 5 days a week and taking zumba 2 days a week. Then it dawned on me, I want to teach a few classes. But where and when would I do this??
My girlfriend owns Fit 4 You gym and asked me if I would be interested in teaching some classes there. Bingo....since I already work out there this would probably work. Funny how things just fall into place.
I booked my flight to Tuscaloosa AL and my spot to get certified to teach zumba. I am excited and nervous.
I love taking the classes and feel that I can follow. I've always had a little rhythm in me so I am thinking this should be easy. But getting in front of the classes and being the leader scares the shit out of me. Some of you that know me wouldn't guess that but it's true. But with all my girlfriends support I'm going to give it hell. They say they'll come take my class. We'll see how that goes.
I will also be getting certified to teach a "group power" class. But don't have a date yet.
I think that if we all really thought about it the things in life that we've wanted that we didn't go after were due to fear. Fear holds us back from lots of things. I faced my fear straight in the face by going on stage in front of 400 people in a skimpy ass suite. I thought I was going to shake right out of my heals. (mind you I only had been walking in heels for 4 months prior to stage date..hahaha) but I did it and crazy enough plan to do it again.
Go for what you want, it's out there for the taking. Do something that you are scared to do. Live life, you only get this one!

Dinner with a friend

Last night I picked up a 23 year young lady and went to dinner.
The first time I had meet her I knew she was something special. She and my daughter were Friends. I knew little about her except for the fact that she was beautiful, she's 23 years old and her family consisted of her dog and cat. I knew that I wanted to get to know her more and try to be someone "special" in her life.
During our dinner she talked a lot about her life and how she ended up in Loveland. For everything that she has been through and where she is today there is only one way to describe her, Amazing. I am not sure if I am making any difference in her life but she sure is making a difference in mine. Is that selfish?
I think of my own daughter who struggles everyday. And how sorry I feel for her. And what can I do to make a difference in her life.
While having dinner last night though it makes me feel less and less sorry. Made me realize there isn't anything I can do to make a difference. She has to want it and make her own choices in her life. She has so many people that love her and are here for her. Loved ones that try and contact her daily to see if she is ok. But I feel that she takes advantage of that and manipulates those of us whom truly love her. She is good at making you feel guilty for things she didn't get or things she doesn't have. But after last night those feelings of mine are diminishing.
At a certain age we all have a choices in the path of life we take. We all have choices in the decision's we make. Sure some might have it easier than others. But I feel in the end we chose the life we want to live.
I love all my daughters and can't imgaine going through life not haveing a realtionship with any of them. They are all very specail to me. Breaks my heart that there are many daughters who don't have a mothers love but would do anything to get it!

from mom to figure competitor

This morning will be a first for me to be a blogger. Thank goodness they have spell check.

I wish last summer I would of started blogging about my journey from mom to figure competitor.

I spent from June 2010 to Oct 30 2010 working out with a weight trainer and a nutritionist. I did my first competition Oct 30. I did ok got 5th out of 12 in the open group (this is any age in my height group) but didn't place in the 40 and over group. Gives me something to work towards.

My husband was not supportive at all during this long process. He didn't like how skinny I had to get or that we really couldn't go out to dinner pretty much all summer. But in the end I was told by my kids and friends that he was standing and cheering for me when I got my 5th place. He says it was because it was all over. But maybe I am thinking he was a little proud of me.

The best part about my journey was my kids. They were so supportive of me. They were there to listen when I didn't think I could finish. They had to look at every picture I would send them to show my progress. They were there for me when I thought I wanted to give up and talked me into hanging in there. But by far the best part of the whole thing was hearing them cheer me on at my show. I didn't ever imagine that my kids would as proud of me as they were!

Today I am lifting heavy weights with hopes to do another show in June of 2012.